


Tongue tied

by Alyss_asleep



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam Parrish Loves Ronan Lynch, College, Established Relationship, Feelings, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Jealousy, Long-Distance Relationship, Love Confessions, M/M, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish, Swearing, boys being soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 02:08:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16358639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alyss_asleep/pseuds/Alyss_asleep
Summary: Adam struggles to find the words to tell Ronan how he feels.





	Tongue tied

Why was it so hard to push those few words past his teeth? Adam felt consumed by them, desperate to let them spill out into the air and into Ronan’s ears. But, talking about how he felt didn’t come easily and his tongue seemed to trip him up, lips sealed and the resulting silence pressing in on him.

It’s not like Ronan didn’t know. 

They were both better at expressing emotion through their bodies and they’d gotten very good at finding ways to do that over the past year that they had been together. Still, Adam wanted to tell him, to see the pink flush that would creep across Ronan’s skin and the small smile that would tug up one side of his perfect mouth as a result.

Their relationship looked strange from the outside, plenty of people had confirmed this. Adam had spent too long concealing his feelings to let them run rampant in public. 

To the less observant they might be considered best friends, or maybe brothers; neither of them comfortable with public displays of affection. Adam was private, guarded and exerted levels of self control that mystified the people around him. And Ronan, well, he had his rep to consider. (At least, this is what he would claim if pressed on the matter). It was rare to catch them kissing or holding hands and their terms of endearment were, at best, perplexing and sometimes just viciously insulting.

Speculation about the nature of their relationship didn’t really bother either of them. Ronan, Adam knew, didn’t really give a fuck what other people thought, and Adam enjoyed in the satisfaction that flashed in his boyfriend’s eyes when antagonising people with his non conformist attitude. 

He didn’t want brash romantic gestures; they seemed shallow somehow, more for show than anything real. He didn’t need chocolate, flowers or unnecessary gifts; they were a drain on hard earned cash that he just couldn’t justify. Ronan always wanted to give him things but had become adept at finding ways to do this that Adam deemed acceptable, or just didn’t notice until it was too late.

For Adam, affection was an ethereal thing. It wasn’t something that he could pin down with words, and it definitely wasn’t something that could be bought at the gift store. It flowed through them in subtle gestures. The way their bodies gravitated towards the other, always touching at the shoulders, elbows, knees, or the side of their feet. It was Ronan always picking up the phone when he called. Adam always coming back, no matter how busy he was or how much he enjoyed college life. It was the care packages that Ronan sent with apples picked from dream trees at the Barns that would never spoil, seeds that Adam would grow to reveal impossible flowers that smelled like home, and notes scrawled on messy scraps of paper that looked more like a tangled web of swears than a love letter. And, it was the pride in Adam’s voice when he told people that Ronan was his.

So, Ronan definitely knew. 

When they were alone Adam constantly looked for new ways to show him and sex had come far more easily than casual affection. At first it was mostly a heated tangle of limbs and lust and a way to share pleasure. But, they hadn’t been afraid to experiment and Ronan had slowly ripped away Adam’s boundaries, hiding his assault beneath the physical need thrumming through both of their bones. 

Adam would have his boyfriend any way on offer, but Ronan would pick making love over fucking any day of the week. Adam hated being vulnerable, being laid bare and giving power over his body and heart to another. It had taken a while to let go and let Ronan have what he wanted, but he’d be lying if he said the deep connection that they shared while their bodies were entwined didn’t thrill him. He might be relinquishing his tightly coiled control but Ronan was giving him everything, no holding back and his heart open, bloody and beating for Adam to take. Adam came to relish the opportunity to worship his boyfriend with his lips, tongue and touch, pressing the words he couldn’t say into Ronan’s skin with each caress.

He had to know. 

Ronan was visiting when it happened. When he’d knocked on Adam’s dorm room door the night before, quickly pushing him back into the room with a fierce kiss, it had promised to be an excellent weekend. But things had gone wrong some time during a group lunch with Adam’s study group. He couldn’t quite pinpoint the moment that Ronan’s mood soured but everything had been tense and icy for hours. 

His boyfriend was sat on the bed, back against the wall and legs pulled close, gnawing violently on his leather bracelets and eyes looking anywhere but at Adam. 

He’d had enough! This wasn’t the weekend he signed up for and his patience had been stretched to breaking point. 

‘Just tell me already’ he snapped.  
‘Nothin’ to tell’ Ronan mumbled back, still not meeting his eyes.  
‘What’s with the fucking silent treatment then’ he asked, unable to stop his voice from rising or to keep annoyance from colouring his tone.

After a prolonged period of silence, filled with fast, angry breaths, Ronan finally rolled his eyes up to Adam’s face.  
‘That girl likes you’, he stated  
Flatly.  
‘What?’ Adam asked, voice low and trying to keep calm.  
‘The red head at lunch. She was fucking staring at you the whole time and she kept trying to touch you’.  
Adam shrugged confused.  
‘She was just being friendly Ro’. 

His boyfriend snorted, disbelief evident.  
‘I’ve spent enough years creeping on you from a distance to know what it looks like Parish’ Ronan snarled back.  
‘So what if she was looking?’ Adam asked, cluelessly.  
‘You’re not hers to look at!’ Ronan snarled.  
‘I’m not a possession. I don’t belong to anyone’, Adam said as calmly as he could manage.  
Ronan growled. ‘That’s not what I meant and you fucking know it! Stop trying to distract me’.

‘I don’t wanna fight with you Ro’. He offered placating.  
‘Fucking tell her to piss off then!’  
‘She’s part of the group’, Adam explained patiently, ‘I don’t wanna make things awkward for an alleged crush that might not even exist’.  
‘Fuck you Parish. Maybe you like her looking. We both know you swing that way too. Maybe redheads turn you on’.  
Adam felt anger rage through his veins like a flash fire stealing his breath and better judgement. 

‘That’s not what this is about you asshole’, he yelled back unable to contain himself. ‘I fucking love you. Get that through your thick skull and stop being such a dick. I don’t fucking want anybody else!’

The silence that followed his rant took Adam by surprise. Why wasn’t Ronan yelling back? He was just staring, eyes wide and mouth open but failing to produce sound.  
’What did you just say?’ He finally stuttered out.  
‘Um’, Adam responded, ‘stop being a dick?’.  
‘Right before that’, Ronan whispered, his eyes fixed on Adam’s and a faint blush colouring his cheeks.

Adam scrunched his nose trying to work out what he’d yelled to make Ronan freeze up. His face burned red to match Ronan’s as he finally came to his senses, gasping as he realised that the words he had been trying to say for the past six months had finally burst free right in the middle of a fight. Way to go Adam, he chided himself, that wasn’t how this was supposed to happen.  
‘Did you just, uh, say you love me?’ Ronan finally breathed out while ducking his head and staring fixedly at his own shoes.  
‘Maybe’ Adam relented, ‘but I still think you’re being a dick’.  
Ronan laughed, a small chuckle first but building to a full belly roar that dispelled all the tension from the space between them.

‘Get over here’ he said quietly, reeling Adam in with large warm hands that gripped tightly to his shoulders. ‘Could you say it again?’ he asked softly. ‘Please’. Adam sucked in a breath as Ronan’s hand ran up his neck to tangle into his hair. ‘Maybe don’t yell it at me this time though’.  
Adam’s heart beat frantically feeling like it was trying to break free from his rib cage. He couldn’t stop his eyes from travelling across Ronan’s face and drinking in the soft, stunned expression gracing his usually sharp features.  
‘I love you Ro’ he breathed, holding his breath to steal himself. ‘I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to tell you; I’ve felt this way for a long time. I’m in love with you’. 

His body was shaking from the effort of keeping himself still. He felt needy and vulnerable waiting for Roman to accept or discard his words.  
With a sudden ferocity, arms were wrapping tightly around his torso and pulling him tight against Ronan’s chest. Simultaneously, soft, dry lips were brushing frantically against his cheek, jaw, brow and mouth overwhelming him and filling him with hope.

‘I fucking knew that, dipshit’ Ronan responded as a sloppy grin spread across his pale face. ‘I love you too’.

There was no denying it now. Ronan Lynch definitely knew that Adam Parish loved him.

Once he had found the words to say it, Adam felt the phrase bubbling up to his lips with even greater frequency and desperation than before. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he had to say it a little more regularly. Maybe, he quietly speculated, every day for the rest of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m still fairly new to this and I wrote this instead of sleeping (ooops). Anyway, I hope some of you enjoy :-)


End file.
